


The Stars Shine Brighter When the Moon is Around

by Cayenne_Avocado



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Mild Blood, Whump, varian and the seven kingdoms - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23693308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cayenne_Avocado/pseuds/Cayenne_Avocado
Summary: Varian is captured by Donella. Some secrets come to light, sides are chosen. Some things will never be the same.
Relationships: varian/hugo
Comments: 15
Kudos: 160





	1. Broken Spirits, Broken Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all!! Sorry for my absence!! This was a one shot request on tumblr that turned into a four part story! Whatcha gonna do? I had a really great time making this and I hope everyone enjoys! I’m really proud of this fic which is not something I can say often! I wanted to spare y’all some of the pain and post it all at once instead of in pieces like my tumblr followers got! I was also really vibin on my titles which is again not something that happens often! I hope you enjoy!!!

Varian forced his eyes open, the pounding in his head making the feat itself a miracle. He could feel the tacky stickiness of blood clotting from somewhere along his temple. His arms were behind his back, cuffs digging harshly into his wrists, the chain allowed some leeway from where it was connected to the wall, but not nearly enough to make pushing himself into a sitting position any easier. His head pounded in protest at the movement, vision swimming as he finally sat upright. He waited for the spots to clear before taking in his surroundings. He was in a cell of some sort, bars very clearly in front of him although the door itself was wide open. He supposed it didn’t matter with the chains in place, they were in such an awkward position that it would make escaping from them nearly impossible. The outside of the cell was casted in shadows, making it hard to tell what exactly was lurking for him outside. Another thing to add to the list of making escaping difficult. 

He knew it was unlikely that he was completely alone, still he startled when Donella appeared from the shadows. “I’m glad to see your awake, dear. I was beginning to worry.” Her tone held none of the concern her words seemed to suggest. 

“What do you want?” Varian asked, standing to make himself appearing more intimidating despite his situation, despite his heads protests, despite knowing what she wanted. She had been relentlessly pursuing them since the first trial, he knew she wanted the totems, he knew she wanted his mother’s journal. He just wanted to hear her say it just so he could throw it in her face that he didn’t have either. Thankfully the totems were with Hugo and Nuru had asked to study the journal earlier that day. 

“You know what I want, child. Where is the journal?” She stepped further into the cell, knife held menacingly at her side. The familiarity of the situation weighed heavily in his gut. Cass had once used that same tone with him, he had once been at her mercy, but unlike Cass this woman had no previous attachments to him. She had no reason not to hurt him to get what she wanted. Unfortunately for her, he was still as stubborn as he had been when he had been kidnapped the first time. 

“What difference does it make? It’s not here and that’s all that matters. You won’t get the journal or the totems.” Varian snarled, letting a confident smirk play on his lips. 

A smirk appeared on her face, the action throwing Varian for a loop. “Are you sure about that? Hugo, dear, the totems.” 

Varian felt sick as his boyfriend stepped into the dim light of the cell. His eyes rapidly scanned him searching for any sign of injury, resistance, or anything that suggested Hugo was being forced to do this against his will. He swallowed thickly upon finding none, Hugo’s own eyes downcast refusing to meet his. Still Varian held out hope, tugging at his chains in an attempt to get closer to the other male. “Hugo, whatever she told you, you don’t have to do this!” 

He hated the desperation that laced his words, hated how his eyes were blown wide in panic and fear. He always had trouble keeping his emotions in check during high stress situations. His stomach churned as Hugo dropped the bag into Donella’s outstretched hand, still looking anywhere but at Varian, still not saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? 

“Hugo, please, we can figure a way out of this! You don’t have to give her what she wants! Please.” Varian’s heart was racing in his chest as he awaited a response, anything that might let him know that Hugo was listening, that he had not given up hope. Instead Hugo’s fist clenched at his side, a grimace on his face as if the conversation was causing him physical pain. He turned his face slightly away from Varian, breathing in harshly through his nose. 

He had been so lost in analyzing Hugo’s odd behavior that he missed Donella stepping in front of him until she gripped his chin, forcing him to look at her. Still his eyes darted to where Hugo was standing. “I told you not to get attached. Attachments only lead to trouble. They only make things more difficult. You’re not attached are you?” Her fingers dug into his skin tighter as he tried to wrench his face out of her grip. 

“No.” Hugo answered, eyes still downcast, fists still clenched. 

“No, what?” She asked, voice sounding like she was talking down to him. 

“No, I’m not attached.” Varian’s stomach dropped at Hugo’s words. They had to have done something to him, it was the only explanation, he wouldn’t accept another. 

“Good.” He barely registered Donella’s voice before she let go of his face only to smack him across the face, nails and all. He could feel the blood oozing from the newly formed cuts along his cheek, the chains the only things from keeping him from falling over. Donella pulled him upright, fingers digging into his upper arms. “Where is the journal?” 

“Hugo.” Varian pleaded, trying to catch the other’s eyes. 

“You foolish child!” Donella laughed, stepping back in front of him so he could see Hugo just over her shoulder. “Don’t you get it yet? He never cared, he never will. He used you.” 

Varian’s eyes grew wide. His mind suddenly transported somewhere else, head spinning with his past misdeeds, painting a horrible picture of the present in front of him. 

_ “I used you, Rapunzel!”  _

His breath hitched in his throat, his breathing growing more and more erratic because this couldn’t be real, he wouldn’t accept it. But Hugo’s face said it all, the truth he still tried to deny written plainly on it. He should’ve known it would happen sooner or later. Karma was a bitch and he had the deck stacked against him. 

“No, no, no, no!” He didn’t know if he was talking about his past mistakes or trying to convince himself that Hugo couldn’t have betrayed him. Perhaps it was both. “Tell me she’s lying!” 

His eyes locked with Hugo’s for a horrifying second. A broken sob tore from Varian’s lips as he realized with all the heart wrenching pain that Donella was right. He had been a tool, discarded as soon as it served its purpose, and now he was left alone to pick up the shattered pieces of his heart. His heartbreak gave way to anger, he surged forward as best he could, chains pulling taut and arms fully extended behind him. The pain of the cuffs digging into his wrists, nothing compared to the pain in his heart. 

“How could you?!” He so badly wanted to slam his fists against Hugo’s chest, instead he settled for banging his head against Hugo’s chest. “I trusted you! We trusted you! Was this all a game to you?!” 

He was sobbing uselessly against him, giving up the notion of getting an actual answer out of the other. “Did you ever care? Even for a second?” His words were so small, so broken and yet Hugo did nothing, hands hovering over his shoulders as if he were scared to touch him, scared if he did he might be irreparable. 

“Var-“ 

Varian flinched, stumbling back as if he had been burned, maybe he had, it felt like it. “Don’t touch me! I- you-“ He dropped to his knees, feeling utterly and completely broken as another sob slipped past his lips. His eyes focused on the ground, on the tear drops that stained the floor, he couldn’t look at Hugo, he couldn’t take the pain. “I gave you everything. You-you took everything from me! I-“ His voice broke, breath hitching dangerously for a second, for a second he thought he might be spared from this pain. “I loved you.” 

He heard Hugo’s breath stop at the confession. Varian laughed at the irony of it all. Of course the man he loved would betray him. It only made sense. He had finally given himself fully, truly, put his heart and soul on the line, it only made sense it would turn out this way. Everything he touched fell apart, maybe Hugo wasn’t to blame, maybe this was once again all his fault. Had he been too clingy? Too demanding? Maybe he wasn’t attentive enough? Maybe he was cursed, never to be allowed a moment of happiness? Sun above knew he didn’t deserve it. After everything he’d done how could he? 

“Aren’t you going to answer the boy?” Donella’s voice snapped him back to reality, all the physical pain joining the emotional as he was harshly reminded of his current position. “It’s rude to leave a confession like that without a response.” 

She had grabbed his hair this time, forcing him to look Hugo in the eye, the tears that still streamed down his face irritating the fresh cuts on his cheek. How many times had he been in this position before? On his knees in front of Hugo for vastly different reasons, a comforting hand in his hair. Had it been a lie then? Had any of it been real? 

Hugo swallowed thickly, eyes squeezed tight and fists clenched tighter still. “I never loved you.” 

The words were spoken so softly, but they hurt more than any physical pain could. He couldn’t breathe, he was shaking violently. Every touch, every kiss, every promise of a better future a lie. He felt as if his heart was being torn to shreds and stitched back together only for it to be shredded again, each tear more deliberate than the last. He should be used to the feeling, he could count on one hand the amount of people that hadn’t betrayed him in some way. He had just hoped Hugo had been amongst them. 

He was vaguely aware of Donella shaking him, demanding answers, hitting and kicking him when he didn’t give any. He was numb to the outside world, the only pain he knew was in his heart, the only thing he saw were the lies laid out so plainly in front of him. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so blind? Hugo never loved him. It was all a game, a sick twisted game, and he had been one of the unfortunate pieces in it. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he knew this is what he deserved, after everything he had done it was only right. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Hugo had made him feel whole, complete, like he might actually deserve better, but it had all been a lie, a carefully fabricated web to strike all the right ways to get all the desired information from him. And Hugo had still taken it further, hurting him on a more emotional, more personal level. And now, now he knew nothing, now he felt nothing, now he was nothing. 

*****************

Hugo was only half listening to Donella’s plan. His mind somewhere else completely, his mind on the broken boy in the cell. The one he loved, the one he broke. He wasn’t supposed to get attached and yet he did. He kept telling himself he wasn’t, until he was too tightly wrapped around Varian’s finger to back out. Then he told himself he’d tell Varian the truth, before their relationship progressed. Another lie he had crafted for himself, he was too selfish to break the perfect image of himself Varian seemed to have in his head. He wanted to be that person, he so badly wanted it, and maybe that was his fault, wanting something he could never have, keeping something he knew wasn’t real. 

Time didn’t exist when he was with Varian, maybe that’s why he didn’t notice his inevitable betrayal approaching, maybe that’s why he didn’t realize the pain he’d be causing when it came. He was selfish, self serving, willing to hurt anyone who stood in his way. He had just never felt bad for doing so before. Now there was only before and after. Before Varian looked at him with love, kindness, acceptance. After this, how would he look at him? Would he ever look at him again? He knew he couldn’t look at Varian. He couldn’t take the pain in his eyes, the panic, the fear, the heartbreak, and still underneath that he could see the care and worry for him. Because this had been real for Varian, but it had been real for him too. 

It wasn’t until Donella came to him the other night that he was forced from the dream world he’d grown so comfortable in. He counted every freckle on Varian’s cheeks that night, estimated how many blue strands there were in that odd blue streak, memorized the rise and fall of his breathing patterns, as if it was the last time he’d be able to, and it was. Now some of those freckles had been wiped from existence by Donella’s nails, now some strands had been torn from the blue streak, now his breathing was far too erratic to be safe. Yet he remained here at Donella’s side, in this horrible reality he had created, any hopes and dreams of a better life, a better future swept away, leaving this awful reality for what it really was, a broken dream. 


	2. Revelations and Decisions

It had taken him too long to come to the startling revelation of where his loyalties lied. The longer Donella talked, the longer he stayed, the more he felt his heart breaking. He shouldn’t feel this way, it should’ve been fine. He had worked for Donella almost his whole life, hell he owed her his life, but this felt wrong. Not in the way that he knew what he was doing was wrong, he didn’t care if he what he was doing was right or wrong to others, it felt wrong in a different sense. A terrible knot formed in the pit of his stomach, a feeling of guilt. It was a foreign feeling, something’s hadn’t felt in ages, and yet it was there. He wanted it to go away, he had known what he was supposed to do from the beginning, he was the only one to blame. But he wasn’t the only one to suffer the consequences, was he? For the first time he was seeing the consequences first hand, seeing the hurt he caused, seeing the destruction at his hands. He couldn’t do anything to fix it, how could he when it was never whole to begin with? Why did he feel so broken, then? Why did he hurt so much? Why did this feel wrong? 

“....what do you want?” He didn’t hear what else Donella was saying, only catching the last words. Those were the only ones that mattered, weren’t they? 

What did he want? Usually he just took what he wanted, but this was different. He wanted to stay in what was familiar, he wanted Varian, he wanted to know what he wanted. He always wanted what he couldn’t have. And right now what he wanted more than anything was space. “I-I need some air.” 

Donella didn’t protest, so he pushed back from the table making his way into the cool night air. It didn’t help as much as he thought it would, only clouding his mind further. The stars reminded him of Nuru’s dress. Were her and Yong safe? Were they scared? Knowing Nuru she was already devising a plan, already searching for him and Varian. How would they react to his betrayal? He brought his eyes up to the sky, a shooting star flying by. He snorted at the irony of it, a symbol of hope here in his darkest hour. 

_ “You’re supposed to make a wish!” Varian had laughed, the sound softer than normal since they were the only two up.  _

_ “Seems kinda dumb.” He had responded, he’d say the same thing now.  _

_ “It’s not. That’s how I got Ruddiger. I wished for a friend.”  _

Hugo closed his eyes, maybe it could work for him too, maybe he could have what he always wanted, maybe he could have a family. But he already had one, didn’t he, Donella had been his family once, now he wasn’t sure. He hadn’t felt as safe, as free to be himself, around her as he did around Varian and the others. He forced his eyes open, a stupid wish wasn’t going to fix his problems, he needed to do it himself. He made a decision, the first decision he made in his life that wasn’t for himself, that provided him no benefit. He wanted to wake up from this terrible dream and no one was going to help. So he woke himself up. 

It had been surprisingly easy to slip a sleeping tonic into Donella’s and whatever thug she had hired for the week drinks. He grabbed the keys and made his way to Varian’s cell. He stopped in front of it, hesitating, slinking back into the shadows where he belonged, where he felt safe. Varian looked worse than he could’ve possibly imagined. He hadn’t been able to force himself to look at him for too long before. And now he was forced to face his consequences head on. Varian’s eyes were dull, red rimmed and still shining with unshed tears, dark circles hanging heavily underneath them. They stared blankly into the shadows, if he positioned himself just right it looked like they were bearing into his soul, dragging up all his secrets, suffocating him with his own lies. Varian was sitting upright, his hands still trapped behind him. He was shaking, breath hitching in his chest every so often. Tear tracks stained his cheeks, some of the blood from the cuts on his cheek smeared and dried, an angry bruise underneath the cuts. Sweat made his bangs cling to his forehead, most likely from the panic attack he inevitably suffered from, the attack he had gone through alone, all because he had allowed this to happen. He knew what Varian’s attacks could be like, he’d comforted him through some of them and now he had caused one. He could still turn back, leave Varian in his misery, the old him would’ve, the old him wouldn’t even be here right now. Unfortunately, fortunately, Varian had changed him, he couldn’t turn back, he needed to own up to his mistakes, he needed to make them right. So he took a step out of the shadows, heading towards the light, his light. 

Hugo’s resolve broke as soon as Varian flinched violently at his presence. He deserved that, he deserved the anger behind Varian’s eyes. “Come to gloat?” The bitterness that seeped into his voice was exactly how he imagined the younger sounded throughout his time as a criminal. All the hurt evident behind it despite the sharpness of the actual words. 

“No, I-“ 

Varian’s laugh sounded crazed, broken, no mirth in it what so ever. “Don’t.” He snapped his eyes up, the harsh blue clashing with his green. “Whatever you have to say I don’t want to hear it.” 

He deserved that too. He didn’t deserve to be given the time of day, but he needed to get Varian out of here and to do so he needed his cooperation. He bent down next to him, scooting closer to Varian in order to undo the chains. Varian just moved away. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I’m trying to help you.” 

“Help me? How does any of this help me?!” Varian snarled, bringing his foot to Hugo’s chest in an effort to keep him from coming closer. It was an awkward position and he probably wouldn’t be able to hold it for long. 

“If you would just-“ 

“Just what? Didn’t you already get what you wanted? What else can you take from me?” Varian was seething, and honestly Hugo didn’t know what hurt more having Varian angry at him or the sobbing mess he’d been earlier. His heart tore at the thought. No, angry was definitely better, he could deal with angry, hell he was angry. He was angry at himself for letting things go as far as they did, angry at Donella for hurting Varian, angry at himself for hurting him too. So like the idiot he was, he took that anger out on Varian. 

“That’s enough, Varian! Would you stop being so stubborn and listen to me for one second?!” He regretted the words as soon as they left him mouth, Varian’s eyes were wide in fear for a fraction of a second and Hugo knew he wasn’t present, his mind slipping into a different time. The emotion faded as quickly as it came, anger taking over his features once again, leaving Hugo with all the guilt. 

“Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me right now!” Varian’s voice broke, shoulders shaking with fresh sobs. “Are you fucking happy now, Hugo? Is this what you wanted? You won.” 

Hugo’s hand hovered uselessly over Varian’s shoulder. What could he say to that? Nothing would ever be enough. No words could convey how he was feeling, how he felt, how every passing second he felt another crack forming along his fragile heart. This wasn’t a win, this was far from it. He had lost for the first time in his life, fully and truly lost. There was no fixing this, no path to forgiveness, no happy ending for him. He’d been foolish to wish for one on that stupid star, things like that didn’t happen for people like him. 

“Hugo?” Varian’s voice was softer this time, concerned. Why was he concerned? His blue eyes were wide, frantically searching his for something he didn’t know, an answer he couldn’t provide. “You’re crying.” 

He tilted his head to the side. What an odd thing for Varian to say. He wasn’t even crying, he couldn’t be, he didn’t cry. He brought his hand to his face, fingers coming back wet. Oh, he was crying. It was strangely freeing, he felt lighter somehow, as he wrapped his arms around himself, now that he was aware of the action he couldn’t stop the flow of tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

He repeated the words like a mantra, like repeating them would earn Varian’s forgiveness, that he’d regain his trust. He couldn’t stop them, like he couldn’t stop the tears. All he knew in that moment were the tears, pain, and those words. And then the pain cleared, for a second, for a blissful second, Varian leaned against him, an awkward attempt at a hug. It was all he could manage with his arms still behind him, but it was more than Hugo deserved. He cried harder, wrapping his arms around Varian as he cried shamelessly into his shoulder. It was humiliating and liberating at the same time. 

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, he knew it was too long, the sleeping tonic would be wearing off any moment now. As much as he didn’t want to he pulled away from Varian, the warmth disappearing as well, he wiped the stray tears from his face and removed his backpack. He moved to unlock the chains, purposely not meeting Varian’s eyes. “The totems are all there. You can count them if you want. If you head right it’ll lead you out. I’ll hold off Donella as long as I can.” 

The chains clattered to the floor, Varian rubbing his sore wrists as soon as they were free. Hugo pretended it didn’t hurt when he looked through the bag and counted the totems. Varian standing and adjusting the straps, before heading to the exit. “Can I ask you why you did it? Why help now?” 

“Because I love you too.” Hugo didn’t hesitate in his answer, it was the one thing he was sure of. 

Varian flinched, fist clenching at his side. “She’ll kill you when she finds out.” 

“Then I’ll get what I deserve.” He responded, he accepted that fate. 

Varian hesitated glancing between him and the exit, a war raging in his head. He surged forward suddenly, pulling Hugo up. “I thought that once, but someone thought different. I-I can’t forgive you, but I can’t let you die either. You can stay with us until we get to Corona. From there you’re on your own.” 

Hugo nodded numbly, it was more than fair, he couldn’t expect Varian to forgive him, he’d never forgive himself. So he followed Varian, like the moon in this never ending night. And maybe, just maybe, he would get a second chance. 


	3. The Stars are Full of Hope, The Moon Shatters It

_“The stars are so pretty tonight.”_

_“You would say something like that.”_

_“You don’t think so?”_

_“I think the moon is prettier.”_

_Varian hummed, leaning his head against Hugo’s shoulder, playing with his fingers. “I like the stars. They give me hope.”_

_“Are we still talking about the stars?”_

_“You tell me.” A smile played on his lips before bringing them up to meet Hugo’s._

Varian kept his eyes focused on the ground, he couldn’t look at the stars, the moon was shining too bright, taunting him, twisting his memories with its harsh light. He hated this, he hated all of this. He wanted to help Hugo, but at the same time he couldn’t stand to look at the other, all of the memories he once treasured would be tainted with this terrible bitterness of his betrayal. Was this how Rapunzel had felt? No, it couldn’t be. He was sure it still hurt like hell, but they were never anything other than friends, they might not have even really been friends then. He had idolized her, cherished the time they spent together, still it hadn’t quite been friendship at that point, he had just been eager to impress and she just wanted answers. With Hugo it was different, he had nothing to gain, still he gave himself to the other, emotionally, physically, in anyway possible, he was Hugo’s and Hugo was his. At least he thought. 

He squeezed his eyes shut tight. He wanted to scream and cry and punch and kick. Most of all he still wanted to run into Hugo’s arms, let him comfort him, tell him everything was going to be fine, they’d figure it out together, they always did. Except they couldn’t anymore, they couldn’t rely on each other, they couldn’t trust each other. He found himself second guessing every part of their relationship, how much of it had been real? How much of it had been to get the information he needed? 

_“What did you wish for this time?”_

_“Maybe if I look at the journal I can find something you missed.”_

_“I like you! You stubborn bastard! Why is that so hard for you to understand?”_

“Varian?” 

He needed to get away he couldn’t do this, not here, not now. His mind didn’t seem to care, dragging up memory after memory. He was drowning in them, he couldn’t breathe, still he ran. Trying to out run his own mind as each resurfacing memory was slaughtered by the implications of Hugo’s betrayal behind them. He couldn’t breathe. He needed it to stop, he needed it all to stop. 

_“How many fingers am I holding up?”_

_“I can still see them, dumbass. Their just blurry.”_

“Varian!”

_ “Why do you have my mother’s journal?”  _

_ “It was supposed to be a surprise, but you just have to ruin everything don’t you?” Varian shot him a look at that, Hugo holding his hands up in defeat. “I found a clue to the next totem.”  _

“Can you hear me?” 

_ “Hey, Varian?” He hummed in response from where his head rested on Hugo’s chest, drawing patterns on his bare chest. “This might not be the most romantic way to say this but-“  _

_ Varian pecked his lips, smiling brightly. “I love you too.” Hugo’s eyes lit up like stars. _

He blinked, tears blurring his vision. Hugo was crouched in front of him, concern evident on his features. Varian leaned against a tree, the coldness of the ground seeping through his clothes. He dug his fingers into the dirt, tangling the stands of grass around them. How had he gotten here? 

“Varian, where are you?” Hugo asked, voice steady despite his own lingering tears. 

Varian didn’t answer the question, bringing his eyes up to the sky. The stars twinkling down through the branches of the trees. “The stars look pretty tonight.” 

Hugo laughed, Varian didn’t understand, it wasn’t funny, this wasn’t funny. “You would say something like that.” 

Varian smiled softly, letting the slight breeze tousle his hair. It was a wonderfully blissful moment and for that moment he forgot what brought him there. It was just him and Hugo under the stars. And then it crashed down around him as Hugo’s hand found his. The pain, the betrayal, the lies, he felt like he was being stabbed in the heart over and over. He pulled his hand away, and somehow it made him feel worse. The anger welled up inside him, desperately trying to claw its way out. Hugo needed to suffer like he made him suffer. He needed to feel his pain, understand his hurt. He banished the thoughts, he’d been down that path before and he refused to return to it, still his pain remained, piling on with the guilt of even thinking those terrible thoughts. He opened his mouth to say something, to say anything that might help, but the words never formed, they never got the chance. 

“Isn’t this sweet?” Donella cooed, stepping out from the fog that was swirling around them. “I thought you knew better than to get attached to your playthings.” 

“Hey!” Varian yelled, pushing himself to his feet and shooting her the most menacing look he could as if he hadn’t been on the verge of a breakdown seconds before. He hated how she talked about him like he wasn’t even there. He hated it more when Hugo raised his hand to silence him. 

“Varian, is not a plaything. He’s-“ 

Donella laughed, the sound echoing in the darkness. “He’s not? So you didn’t string him along with sweet words, promises that you’ll be better, that you can change. Did you tell him you loved him before or after you fucked?” 

Hugo was shaking at his side, Varian could practically see the steam coming off of him. It didn’t really matter though, the words hurt, it hurt more that Hugo wasn’t denying it. He said nothing in his defense, he said nothing to contradict her words. Varian wanted to defend him, to stick up for him, but he couldn’t, he didn’t know him anymore, all he knew were the lies he weaved, all he knew was the hole in his heart. 

“Don’t look so surprised, dear, I know all your tricks. Just give me the totems and I’ll forget this ever happened. I’ll even let your little toy go.” Donella had her hand outstretched again. Varian was getting sick of it. He took a step back fully intending to run, whether or not Hugo came with or after him was up to him. He didn’t get far, Donella’s henchman slamming him into a tree and pinning him there. He gasped for air, the wind having been knocked from his lungs in the confrontation. Still he tried to get away, a battle he knew from experience he’d lose. 

“I need you to make a decision, Hugo.” Donella was sounding more impatient, tone taking on a sharper edge.

“I can’t give you the totems.” Hugo responded, hands clenched at his sides, eyes darting around as he tried to find a way out. 

Donella clicked her tongue, nodding her head to her henchman. His hand moved from Varian’s chest to his throat, eliciting a gasp from him as his airways closed. He clawed at the hand, trying to get him to let go, he needed to breathe, his head was already spinning and this was not helping. He didn’t hear the conversation that happened in front of him, through his fading vision he could make out their lips moving, Hugo obviously angry, yelling, frantically gesturing to Varian. Donella looked bored, twirling a knife between her fingers, an action he’d seen Hugo do many times. And then he was dropped. He fell to his knees, greedily sucking in air, Hugo suddenly in front of him, his hands were running through his hair, his face, anywhere they could, checking to see if Varian was okay. 

He placed a shaky kiss on top of his head, Varian didn’t have the energy to push him away. “Are you okay?” 

This time he did push Hugo away. “What did you do?!” He asked between breaths. He didn’t know air could be so wonderful, how had he taken it for granted? He tried not to focus on it too much, Hugo was already digging around in his backpack. “What are you doing?!” 

“I’d be thanking him if I were you.” It took him entirely too long to realize Donella was talking to him. “He did trade the totems for your life.” 

“You didn’t.” He said, eyes wide as they searched Hugo’s for an answer. Hugo nodded softly, the action almost not visible it was so minute. He wanted to be mad, to scream, to fight, but he didn’t have it left in him, he was too emotionally drained. 

“I did.” Hugo answered, although his eyes held something else beneath the words. A small twinkle behind all the emotion, something he knew meant he had a plan. He hated after everything he was forced to trust Hugo, he hated that he still did. He let Hugo remove the backpack from his shoulders, in one swift motion he swung it back and it connected with Donella’s henchmen’s head with a sickening crack. He dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Varian scrambled to his feet, the air leaving his lungs again when Hugo slammed the backpack into his arms. “Run.” 

“I would listen to him, dear.” Donella warned as she lunged, swinging her knife through the air. He ducked just in time to dodge the strike. Hugo grabbed her arm and tugged it behind her back. She simply dropped the knife into her other hand, this time it was poised to strike Hugo. He released her arm to grab the knife. She let him, kicking him in the gut as soon as he had it in his grasp. He stumbled back, dropping the knife in the process, but staying upright. Varian dove for the knife scooping it off the ground. He fumbled with the knife, Donella punching Hugo as he struggled to grasp the item. He saw Hugo hit the ground, wasting no time in plunging the knife into Donella’s shoulder. 

“You’re more trouble than you’re worth, little pest.” She screamed, pulling the knife out of her shoulder. She swung it through the air, Varian dodging at such a strange angle that he could feel the tip of it cut across his eyebrow. He blamed the added weight of the totems for throwing his off balance and sending him to the floor. Varian’s eyes grew wide in fear, as she rose the knife, he covered his face as if it would do anything against the incoming attack. He felt the wind as it sliced through the air, heard the rip of the fabric, and yet he felt no pain, not anymore than he already felt anyways. He brought his hands down, panic rising in his chest as he saw Hugo in front of him. Donella looked as mortified as he felt, dropping the knife to the ground. She looked conflicted, not sure if she should stay to check on Hugo or run while she still could. It seemed she chose the other, bolting into the woods. 

Hugo dropped to his knees then, his breathing labored. Varian caught him, laying him on his lap. The cut across his chest was angry and red, blood flowing freely from it. Hugo just laughed, tears welling in his eyes as he reached up and cupped Varian’s face. “I-I told you I loved you.” 

Varian didn’t know he was crying until the droplets stained Hugo’s shirt, mixing with the blood. He felt sick, he felt like his heart was being broken all over again, only this time there was no fixing it. “You don’t get to say that. Not like this.” 

“It’s okay.” The tears flowed down Hugo’s cheeks, dulling the green. 

“No! It’s not fair! You don’t get to fucking die! It’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair!” He was pressing his hands down on the wound, trying to stop the blood flow. It wasn’t fair, he didn’t get to pay for his mistakes this way, why did Hugo? He wasn’t going to take the easy way out. It wasn’t fair. He needed him, as much as he still hurt from his betrayal, as much as he didn’t want to, he needed Hugo. 

“Promise me you’ll finish the trials? Free your mom and get your happy ending.” Hugo’s eyes were dulling and Varian was beginning to realize it wasn’t from the tears. 

“No! I-I can’t do this without you. I need you, Hugo. And you’re going to spend the rest of your days making it up to me, okay? I’m going to make you so fucking miserable you’re going to wish you died today. Please, don’t leave me.” Varian pressed his forehead against Hugo’s, his cheeks feeling unusually cold now that Hugo’s hand wasn’t there. 

Hugo laughed again. “I look forward to it. Hey, goggles?” Varian didn’t give a verbal answer, he couldn’t, but Hugo continued nonetheless. “You were right, the stars look pretty tonight.” 

Varian laughed sadly. “You would say something like that.” He sobbed as Hugo’s breathing grew shallower. He fought when he was pulled away from him. He called his name as they dragged him away. He lashed out as Nuru tried to comfort him. He didn’t answer when Yong asked what happened. He denied help when he was offered it. Instead he sat outside the infirmary, awaiting whatever terrible news he would be told. 

He looked to the sky. There were no stars tonight, only the moon and her harsh truth. There may never be stars again. 


	4. If you Knew What Waited For you Below, Would you Still Jump?

_“Do you know what my favorite thing about you is?”_

_“My devilish good looks?”_

_“No.”_

_“My superior intellect.”_

_“No.”_

_“My wonderful ass, then?”_

_“Your flat ass, you mean?”_

_Hugo shot Varian a look, the other laughing at the offended look on his face. “I’m hurt that you would even say such a thing.”_

_“My favorite thing about you is that you never give up.”_

He wanted to give up. Everything hurt, there was so much blood, there was so much pain, but most of it he felt from hurting Varian and not the gaping wound on his chest. Varian was above him crying. Had he hurt him that bad? He knew he did. He wanted to make him feel better, it was hard when he was only catching bits of the conversation. He focused on his lips, the slight quiver to them as they formed words. He focused on his face, memorizing all the lines, freckles, the way his hair fell, anything he could he committed it to memory. He focused on his eyes, they didn’t shine like normal, he didn’t know if it was due to his tears or Varian’s. It didn’t matter, maybe it was selfish but he wanted to see them shine one more time. 

“Hey, goggles?” Varian’s only response was a heart wrenching sob. “You were right, the stars look pretty tonight.” Hugo smiled as Varian’s eyes lit up for a fraction of a second, a soft laugh gracing his ears. He didn’t hear his response, he didn’t need to, he closed his eyes accepting his fate for what it was. He didn’t need to see the stars when the moon shined so bright and he’d relish in its light while he still could. 

_“Do you think if we added the- Ruddiger! No! Don’t touch that!”_

_“I love you, Hugo. I love you so much.”_

_“Can we stay here forever?”_

_“I just want you to be happy. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?”_

_Varian jumped to his feet as soon as the music started, bending down and offering his hand to Hugo. “Dance with me?” And Hugo took his hand because he’d do anything for Varian._

Hugo opened his eyes. The soft candlelight helped making adjusting to the waking world easier. It did not, however, help with the pain in his chest. He brought his hands up, running them over the gauze and wrappings that covered his chest. Shouldn’t he be dead? It didn’t feel like he was, but how would he know? It was sure as hell hard to tell when he couldn’t see shit. He flinched when a hand entered his line of vision, the movement causing a surge in pain through his chest. “Fuck!” He yelped, hand moving to clutch his wound, but thinking better of it at the last second. 

“Ssshhh, here.” Hugo took his glasses from the outstretched hand, putting them on as soon as he had them. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to being able to see again. Nuru was leaning over him, frown set on her face. So he was either alive or in hell, he didn’t know which was worse. “Glad to see you’re finally awake.” Her tone suggested otherwise. 

He didn’t have time to think on it, memories of the night invading his mind. He shoot up in the bed, eyes frantically darting around. Where was Varian? He needed to make sure he was okay. Why wasn’t he here? He didn’t see him and it made his pulse skyrocket. He really was in hell, wasn’t he? 

“Hugo, you need to calm down.” Nuru warned, her hands on his shoulders trying to get him to lay back down as gently as possible. 

“Where’s Varian?! I need to see Varian.” He fought her, prying her small hands off of him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. 

Nuru was persistent, stepping back in front of him. “Please, you need to be quiet. It’s fine, Varian’s fine.” 

“I need to see him, Nuru. I need to make sure he’s okay.” He was pleading with her now, desperation seeping into his tone. 

“He’s here.” She pointed behind him. Hugo turned his head and there on the opposite side of where he was trying to get up was Varian. He was asleep in a chair, arm wrapped around Yong, who had spread out across another his head resting on Varian’s shoulder. He could see the dark circles under his eyes, the small white patch over his eyebrow, and the scabbing cuts on his cheek. If he looked closely he could still see the fingerprint shaped bruises along his neck. Nuru sighed, regaining his attention. “Can you be quiet now? It’s the first time I’ve managed to get him to sleep in three days.” 

He blinked, confusion evident on his features. “Three days?”

Nuru nodded, rubbing a hand over her eyes. She looked exhausted, shoulders hanging heavily. “Yeah, it’s been three days since we dragged your sorry ass back here.” 

Part of him was glad she still had enough energy to argue with him. “That’s not a very princess like thing to say.” 

“Don’t patronize me.” She huffed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “He’s really worried. I’ve never seen him like this. You really hurt him, Hugo. You hurt us all.” 

Hugo hung his head, letting his hair hide his eyes, he wouldn’t cry in front of Nuru, he wouldn’t. He took in a shaky breath steadying himself in hopes that his voice wouldn’t crack. “So, he, uh, he told you e-everything?” 

“Of course he did.” She snorted, her eyes darting to where Varian and Yong were sleeping. “He hasn’t left your side. He thinks this is his fault. He hasn’t done anything, Hugo. He just sits here and stares and it’s scaring me. You need to talk to him. You have to fix this, pl-please, I can’t I’ve tried.” 

She was crying, he was crying, it was too much and too little at the same time. He pulled her into a hug, despite the fact that they didn’t do this, they were never that comfortable with each other, they were never that close. And yet they both needed the comfort in that moment. He felt worse, he should’ve known Nuru would be more concerned about Varian than her own feelings of his betrayal. Everyone in their group was so selfless, everyone except him. 

Nuru pulled away first, she was stronger, always had been. “You need to get some sleep. You can talk to him in the morning.” 

He wiped his eyes, sniffling pathetically, he was so pathetic, always had been. “You need to sleep too.” 

She looked like she wanted to protest, so he laid back down, turning on his side so he was facing Varian. It hurt like hell, the pain surging in his chest, but Nuru got the message, laying down with her back to his. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you.” 

He pretended the words didn’t hurt. “I know.” He kept his eyes locked on Varian, never for a second wanting to look away. He fought a losing battle with sleep as his eyes slipped closed, plunging him back into the unforgiving night. 

He woke to the sun shining in his eyes, the glass of his frames only increasing the sensation. He groaned, his chest feeling stiffer than before, most likely due to his odd sleeping position. He forced his eyes open, blinking to see past the sun. 

“Hugo?” It took him far too long to recognize the voice as Varian’s. It sounded so small, so broken. It sounded like he hadn’t spoken in days, like he had been crying. He hated it, he never wanted him to sound like that again, he never wanted him to sound like that because of him. He wanted to see him smile, to make him laugh, to make him happy for the rest of his life, he never wanted to see this look again. 

So he said the stupidest thing he could in that moment. “Hey, goggles.” 

Varian blinked, obviously caught off guard. He thought for a second he might smile, might laugh, instead his eyes narrowed into a glare, frown darkening his features. “Hey?! You almost fucking died and all you have to say is hey?!” As soon as it came the anger was gone, replaced with a look of sorrow. His shoulders shook, tears filling his eyes. “You almost died. If-if they had been a second later, you-you’d- I can’t lose you, but I can’t trust you. I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to feel. I-I’m so confused. I’m so lost.” 

“Me too.” It was all he could say, he needed to say more, he needed to explain, but he needed Varian to calm down. He couldn’t focus on anything but making him feel better when he was like this. He pulled him close, letting him sob into his chest, the tears making the gauze rub uncomfortably against his skin. It didn’t matter, not if it made Varian feel better he could deal with a little pain. 

“I’m sorry.” Varian mumbled, the words muffled slightly. He stiffened, the words sounding wrong coming from Varian’s mouth, what was he even apologizing for? His conversation with Nuru came to the forefront of his mind. The realization stopping his breath. 

He lifted Varian’s head, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks, careful of the cuts. “Don’t apologize, none of this is your fault.” 

“But-“ 

“None of it. I made my decisions, I made them all on my own, okay? I chose to take the blow for you. I chose to betray you. I chose to manipulate you. They were all my choices. There is nothing you could’ve done to change those decisions. Nothing, absolutely nothing was your fault, okay?” 

Varian nodded in his hands, his own hands clasped onto his forearms, fingers digging in as if he was scared to let go, like if he did he’d disappear. “What do we do know?” 

Hugo laughed, of course Varian was already planning for the future. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together. We always do. I do know that I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 

Varian laughed this time, leaning into his touch in a way that sent Hugo’s heart racing. “You are, and you’re going to explain everything to me.” 

“Everything?” 

“Yes, everything. Every thought and feeling. I want to know it all. In excruciating detail.” Varian chuckled, a small smile forming on his lips. 

Hugo allowed a smile of his own, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “You’re going to be so bored.” 

Varian climbed into the bed, Hugo moving to lie on his back as Varian made himself comfortable, wrapping an arm around his middle, lower than it usually would be in order to not irritate his wounds. His head rested on Hugo’s shoulder, instead of its normal position on his chest. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but it worked. “I look forward to it.” Varian mumbled, taking a deep breath, which let Hugo know he had something important to add. “Hugo, be patient with me, please. It’s going to take time for me to move past this.” 

Hugo placed a soft kiss to the top of his head. “I will. You can take as much time as you need. I’ll be waiting until you’re ready. I owe you that much.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank you, for giving me a second chance.” Hugo pulled Varian closer, despite the pain he wanted the other as close as possible. He sighed contently, Varian was and always would be the best decision he ever made. “So, where should I start?” He asked, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. 

“At the beginning. At the very beginning.” Varian hummed against him, eyes slipping closed. 

“Okay you asked for it. I was conceived on a Sunday, my mom was quite the whore so I’m not a hundred percent on that.” Hugo smiled widely, feeling Varian shake with laughter against him. His blue eyes met his green, and for a moment everything was right in the world, everything made sense. He didn’t kiss him, no matter how much he wanted to, it wasn’t right, they weren’t there yet. So he continued his story, except this time it had Varian in it. And he’d have it no other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed!!! I hope this makes up for me being MIA slightly!!! Love y’all!!


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